Saturday, June 22, 2013

Zombie Outbreak Reponse Team Interviews

I saw this on the back of an SUV the other day--

First thing I did was take a picture and text it to my 12 year old nephew with the words, "I think I found you a job!" He's going through a zombie phase like the rest of the world. The second thing I did was think, "Wow, I would love to be on the interview panel that gets to interview and select the next Zombie Outbreak Response Team (ZORT) member. What fun!" 

Here are the top ten interview questions for ZORT candidates:

  1. Are you alive? Prove it.
  2. Tell us a little bit about yourself. Stick to the parts of your life where you saved the world.
  3. Do you prefer the living or the dead?  Explain your answer without offending the living or the dead.
  4. Describe your experience as it relates to hunting down dead people and ripping their heads off.
  5. Here's a situational. You are at work, minding your own business, when suddenly 900 bloody, hungry zombies start lurching toward you. How would you handle this situation?
  6. Have you ever seen the music video Thriller?  If you were Michael, what would you have done differently?
  7. Have you ever worked at a Halloween Costume store?  What did you like or not like about it?
  8. Can you lift more than 200 lbs? 250? 300? How much can you throw?
  9. Can you drive a forklift over dead bodies?
  10. Describe a time when you had a conflict with someone who was dead, angry and wearing a dirty business suit.
I would then ask the ZORT candidate to look at all the members of the interview panel and figure out which one of us was dead. (I would have planted a zombie interviewer on the panel beforehand.) If he or she chooses me as the zombie, not only does he/she not get the job, but I would know it was time for a facial and some new clothes.

-Hope Horner, 2013
Contact author on gmail at hopeh1122.  
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