Monday, September 3, 2012

You Know You're Old When...

Nope. Never. Ever. Well, maybe. OK, yes. Psych! Never.

Wow, it's Labor Day. A day of rest. The day we cease from laboring in honor of all the laboring that went before us.  I could use some rest.  I'm 40.  I don't usually feel old, but today I do.  Forget the emerging aches, the ebbing hormones, the blurry vision...You know why I feel old today?  I feel old because I went on to browse for music and saw the list of the top music downloads of the month. Here are the titles of some of the most popular songs:

Too Close
Blow Me One Last Kiss
As Long As You Love Me
5 Seconds
Slipping Away
Blown Away
We Are Never Getting Back Together
Call Me Maybe
Want U Back

(I'm not kidding! Check them yourself here: Top 20 Music Downloads ) If you do go check these out, you'll notice I didn't list the song titles in the same order as Amazon.  Amazon lists them in descending order - the most popular download is #1, second most popular is #2 and so on.   I started to list them in that same order and then I realized - Hey!  There's a story here! So, instead, I listed the song titles in the order I thought told the story of typical "young love."  Think about your first serious "love" relationship (or atleast what you THOUGHT at the time was "love" and "serious") and re-read the list above.  Does it sound a little bit like your story?

If you're like me, you snickered a little bit as you read the list.  All these songs about flirting and freckles and frolicking and how it all comes on so quickly and then leaves even more quickly and then comes back and then leaves again to run off with the new boy in town or the blond cheerleader. I love you!  No, wait, I hate you!  Young love brings the highest highs and the lowest lows, doesn't it?  It inspires lots of melodrama: bad poetry, weepy ballads, tight jeans, cheap jewelry on sweaty fingers, cheesy photos, and late night phone calls.  Remember the hangouts, hormones and hang-ups (and in some cases hangovers)?  And don't forget the breakouts, breakups and breakdowns.  Ah, yes, young love.  Makes me glad I'm old.  I am glad those dramatic days are over, even if some of the excitement went with them.  The lows can be sooo low, what with all that hormone raging and photo tearing, and that blasted radio DJ who keeps playing that same sappy, sad love song over and over.  That's what these songs on the Amazon list are all about - love found, love enjoyed, love lost.  Mainly, love gone wrong.  And the kids are downloading them like crazy, trying to find comfort.  They want all want to wail together in common, harmonious sorrow over how much love sucks. I had Richard Marx, REO Speedwagon and Journey to comfort me when my young love went wrong.  Now, it's Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift.  I look at those two and I think they're just kids singing about kids.  How can someone who still puts Oxy-10 on their face know anything about true love? 
The other day I was out of town and needed a Red Bull to keep me going.  I walked into a neighborhood market* and inside a classic 90's love song was blasting...
It's just another sad love song wracking my crazy...
There was a slightly drunk man near the front counter as I bought my drink.  He steadied himself on a candy display and sputtered words toward the man behind the register.
"And man, I'm sorry to take up your time you know, but I just wanted to get some stuff** off my chest about things like women and all the stuff** that goes along with them, you know? Stuff**! Man!"
As I paid for my drink and this poor man dribbled on about love lost the song hit it's peak:
Here comes the strings
Then somebody sings
Only takes a beat
And then it starts killin' me darlin'...
For goodness sake, CHANGE THE STATION BUDDY! I wanted to yell at the guy behind the counter.  Toni Braxton is just making it worse for this poor soul!  Maybe classical would be better?  Hurry! Turn it to K-Mozart and put him out of his misery!  It's always safer to listen to music without words when you heart is breaking because of all the stuff* your lover has done to you. Buy hey, what do I know?  I'm old, right? As I type this, Beethoven is playing on my CD player.  Yes, Beethoven. And no, not on my iPod - on my CD player.  For those of you under 25, here's what a CD player looks like:
Well, I think it's time to shut down my PC and turn off my CD player and run a few errands. Just some fun errands - no work stuff today. Then I'll come home, do a little reading, maybe have dinner at 5pm and go to bed early.  I'm not that old yet, but I've earned the right to act like it once in awhile. After all, it is Labor Day.

Best wishes to all the lovers out there - young and old.  Have a wonderful Labor Day! 

* Neighborhood market = liquor store
** Stuff = another 4 letter 's' word

-Hope A. Horner, 2012
Follow on Twitter at HopeNote

1 comment:

  1. Well, I'm using MY Labor Day Holiday to catch up on my FAVORITE blog...
    I Flippin' LOVE your writing! (I know I've told you that many times, but I can't help it. Whenever I read one of your pieces, it's the first words that come out of my mouth.)
    Love the inserted pic of the CD player! Too funny!
    Still strongly feel you need to have your own column in some HUGE monthly or weekly magazine... Go Hope! Go!