Today I was in a yogurt shop and I heard the lady next to me say:
"I really wish they wouldn't make these yogurt cups so big."
I almost ripped her face off.
Lucky for her, my hands were full because I was holding one of those perfectly over-sized cups filled to the brim with Red Velvet yogurt. I just shook my head and went to the counter to pay for my 92 ounces of deliciousness. Look, I am an easy going person, but there are just a few things that people say that make me want to scream. Usually, they involve some kind of needless complaining. I am like my Dad in that way. He has zero tolerance for complaining. I have never, ever heard him complain or whine in my entire life. Even if he doesn't particularly like something, he will find a diplomatic way to say he doesn't like it, if he says anything at all. As a child, when I would say, "I can't!" in that nasal whiny voice that all kids master within 2 weeks of being able to speak, he would reply, "Do it whether you can or not." If I said "I'm bored!" he would reply, "Than you're boring." He didn't scream. He would calmly let me (and my brother and sister) know he had heard enough and we would stop complaining. I don't scream at people either, but when I hear certain things I do let out a scream inside my head. Here are a few things that people say that make my head holler:
These mashed potatoes have too much butter. (Not possible!)
This dessert is too chocolate-y. (Definitely not possible!!)
I'm bored. (Well, then YOU must be boring! Thanks Dad.)
I don't like dogs. (Are you human?!?)
I don't read. It's boring/makes me sleepy/not my thing. (It shows!)
I can't go anywhere without my cell phone! (Get a life!)
I didn't have time to vote. (Then please leave now. Oh, no not the room...the country.)
I'll end there since tomorrow is election day. Get out and vote. Pet a dog. Have some butter loaded mashed potatoes and follow it up with a super rich chocolate brownie at the bottom of a giant sized yogurt cup that fills up both your hands so you have to put your cell phone down. Then grab a good book. You won't be bored. If you are, please keep your mouth shut.
-Hope Horner, 2012
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